Fear

Fear of Success.

It's real.

What if I do succeed?

What if I do reach the top?

Will it be everything I wanted?

Planting my feet directly upon others faces; a direct example of the disrespect required to stand here, right?

Standing atop a pile of corpses; proof of my dedication to my goal that I will stop at nothing.

Looking down at you for the inferior being you are; seeing you for the insignificant insect you really are to me.

Looking out upon the horizon and seeing the waste as a result of my actions. Yes, waste is a byproduct of success.

Success must be this, right?

Does it?

What if ...

Stepping gently on the shoulders of giants and allowing them to raise me up. A testament of their love, devotion and support for me.

Standing in front of a crew of smiling faces. An example of the chosen family that follows and lends me their strength.

Looking down at those that have helped me in great gratitude; seeing them for the beam of light that shines bright to show me my way.

Peering at the horizon of the sunset as we collectively enjoy the fruits of our labour. Yes, work is a byproduct of success.

Light. Dark.

Good. Evil.

Manipulation. Motivation...

Two sides of the same coin.

Which kind of success do you want?

What do you fear?

What happens if I go viral? What happens if a huge swath of people suddenly learn who I am?

What will they find when they look for me? When they look me up? When they see what else I have done?

It's not about me worrying how they will judge me.

It's not about whether I will be accepted.

That doesn't matter because some will accept, some will reject.

    That's just the nature of life.

What scares the living daylights out of me is that they will find nothing.

I will be nothing.

I will disappear into the depths of the abyss, never to be seen again.

I fear not representing my true and authentic self 100% of the time.

I fear not having enough of me out there that one can truly understand a good bit of what I do about myself.

I fear someone seeing only a piece of me and completely missing the rest because its still submerged, making an unjust judgement about me and never seeing me again.

Because when the show starts... it doesn't stop.

Once the lights come on, they don't stop shining. I don't stop shining.

Are you ready, Kizano?

Are you ready for the show of your life? It's a show about your life. You are about to live it to the fullest.

The camera is on. Hot and incinerating attention that could melt your soul like grilled cheese. Their judging eyes will not relent.

Their comments won't stop.

They will know your name and they will see you in the streets.

They will greet you.

They will shame you.

They will inflict upon you all they have because that is the nature of things. That is the nature of people.

To hurt. To harm.

To love. To heal.

To hug. To kiss.

To accompany. To abandon.

People are fickle creatures.

but why else are we here?

We exist because we do.

I exist because I do.

So, why not put on a great show while we live out this wonderfully miserable life?