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What's the point of it all? I'm just a nobody. Nobody will know my name. Nobody really gives a fuck about me or my goals or desires because they are all in their own pointless goals and desires. It's a game of describe yourself in a system with no rules and every action you take not only has a counteraction, but a negative one too. Somebody will always be hurt by what you do, no matter how nice it is. Somebody will always disagree in some shape or fashion. There's nothing I can realistically do to change this system because all of you built it together. All of you built all this suffering and there's not a damn thing I can do to change it because I am suffering along with you. It doesn't matter how much self-love I practice. It doesn't matter how much others show their love to me. I'm suffering deeper and it grows deeper every day. Every. Single. Day. I live with this constant feeling deep inside me that always repeats the same thing: "I want to die...

What is suicide to me and why is this something I'm suddenly making visible? It's to make the fight I face in the dark to the light. To bring the pain forth so it can be felt and dealt with accordingly. Preface Let me first preface with this: I have never shared these feelings, thoughts or other very close personal details before in my life. I do not cry "suicide" to get attention. If I wanted that, there are more effective ways to draw attention. If I were to draw attention, it would not be to me, but your own internal stigmas against it. If reading this you immediately had an emotional gut response to "save me", then keep reading. I have more juicy insights for you. Coming from someone who lingers and lurks at the edge of existence nearly daily, I want to share some insights from my perspective that might help you see and understand better. I am NOT saying my words are all that matter. I am merely sharing my perspective and my experiences with this feeling...

 It's a real choice. I choose life every day. I have to. I face this decision every single day. Every. Single. Day. Some face a lack of love for the self and seek that from someone else. When they are denied that love, it's like denying life. They choose death. Some face a lack of love from their environment. When they are denied that love, it's like living in solitary confinement. We all know that's a death sentence to anyone. So they choose death. Some experience a guilt so strong it convinces them they do not belong. They do not deserve to exist here. I don't deserve to exist because I'm a mistake. My parents did not plan to conceive me. I was worse than an "accident" that we tried to correct. I was a complete failure and disappointment and they should have had an abortion. So they choose death. Sometimes, during the day or the night, you just feel like you want to logout for a while and take a break. You think you can come back, but it's like S...